243- WHY DARK CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS SPRINKLED ON A CHOCOLATE MALT SHAKE MAKE YOU MORE INTELLIGENT!..OR WHY SMASHED POTATOES ARE BETTER THAN MASHED ONES!

Hey, life sometimes is just too darn serious. I'll have an ounce of levity, thank you!

a- Chocolate malted milk shakes are known to increase your wisdom by 27%, according to one of the latter Harry Potter's films! But you have to use fresh milk straight from a Guernsey cow that was milked before 7:30 on a Friday morning...that's what oldtimers call fresh moo juice! Shaving the chunk of dark chocolate, also, requires a bit of skill, using an old-fashioned cheese grater while you hold it steadily over your glass full to the top with the bubbly delight. NO STRAWS, too, meaning NO slurps. Simply lift your shake filled glass and drink, leaving that neat ring around your eager lips. And NO one ever forgets to add the powdered
malt into the shake before inserting up into the mixer at Baskin-Robbins...never! I really believe that those dark chocolate shavings can add at least 27% more wisdom to your....

b- Real men, and women, dine on smashed potatoes! Smashed potatoes are the ones mashed with that "batter-up" kind of utensil with that round mesh-top end. Mashed potatoes are whupped up by an electric mixer. Smashed are not perfect, like most of us! They have bits and pieces, tiny lumps, of still hot potato mixed in. One secret, I'm told to smashing them, is to be sure to drain off the hot potato water from the pan and letting it sit for a moment or three for the steam to rise and get the heck out of the pan before smashing. Use WARM milk to add to the HOT potatoes, and NOT the COLD milk straight from the fridge.
Why go to these little extra details, you ponder? Hey, the smashed potatoes on your plate, next to the homemade baked meat loaf, make a neat place to spoon in a puddle of gravy! And when was the last time you had a nice puddle of hot gravy in the middle of your smashed spuds?

c- Peepers! Yes, those tiny toads that all sing in unison at night around the pond and woods entertain. The chorus is like music to my ears and memory bank. They were invented to remind us that spring is here. And, when you slowly move towards them, they shush, somehow knowing that you're not supposed to be a member of their chorus. Oh, I did read what their loud nightly sound's sole intent was....can you say M-A-T-I-N-G?

d- How to prepare a grilled cheese the collegiate way? Take two slices of your fave store-bought bread (my late maternal grandmother used to call it that)...a healthy slice or three of sharp cheddar cheese...butter for spreading over outside slices...waxed paper...AND a trusty IRON. If you forget to carefully place the waxed paper on top of your upper piece of butter-slathered bread before you iron, I suggest that you'll need to go to Walmart* and purchase a new iron. Ready? Iron both sides WITH the waxed paper on top! Add a COLD glass of moo juice to accompany.

e- Yes, I admit as a kid, to cleverly figuring how to tell which candy pieces were my bestest favorites in those large boxes of Christmas candy we always received at Christmas. Wanna know? Took a straight pin, turned a piece of candy upsidedown and drilled a tiny hole ever so craftily in its bottom. Came up white or pink? Back into the box! But when I drilled into a jelly, chocolate or nutsy one, "gold" was struck! My father was a quiet but brilliant guy...I always figured that he knew my dastardly deed at Christmas....hmmmmm, but he never squealed.

f- How to get a beautiful coed in the 7th-grade to fall in like with you at the movies? I bought one box of popcorn...we shared. At times, when our hands met inside the box of popcorn, "by accident", I KNEW then that she was electrified by that salty touch of popcorn inside that box, in the dark, during a movie, in front of the big silver screen...know what I mean? Oh, her name was Ruth! I can 'member her last name, but I'm not gonna tell you.

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